Six months ago I had a miscarriage. All this time inside me seems to howl from grief a monster. From the outside it seems that everything is fine: I graduated from the institute with a red diploma, married my beloved, he supports me very much. But in fact, I feel like a failure. I can’t recover from atopic dermatitis, it seems that he will soon bring me to suicide. I want to find a good job, but they don’t get me where I want. I want a child, I want to be happy. I don’t know how to do it. I have a feeling that I had cut wings.
Ekaterina, 22 years old
I sympathize with your grief very much. It’s not easy to survive. You write that in your life it is as if there is a split: outside you are successful and seems to be happy, but behind this facade a suffering person is hidden. Unfortunately, while this split is preserved, it will be difficult for you to change your life. You need support for loved ones who see you real, and not a mask behind which you are hiding.
Six months – a long term, but it seems that you have not yet survived what happened and forbid yourself to express your real emotions. Many skin diseases, including dermatitis, have a large psychological component: when we do not let emotions go out in the usual form, locking them in themselves, they strive to express themselves in a physical, somatic form to remind themselves of themselves. It is important to understand that your physical and mental states are connected. When you begin to feel better “sincerely”, your physical condition may also begin to improve.
It seems to me that you should turn to a psychologist so that someone helps you learn to express your feelings, has passed with you the path of grief and farewell to an unborn child, so that someone helps you on this path, as a result of which you could stoppretend to be happy and try
to really become.