Category: ! Without a column

Developers can be great conspirators. So, for example, Rockstar The gameplay was not shown until the last GTA 4 , A 2K They kept secret Bioshock Infinite , Although the game itself has long been in work. But the situation is with Firefall , new online action movie, just goes beyond all decency.

The project has been preparing for the exit for three years – but not only future buyers, but also future creators of the game until a certain point were not aware of all the details (see. insert). At the cost of incredible efforts, we managed to talk to the authors – so now the covers are torn off, and Red 5 https://sister-site.org/bonus-strike/ Studios Ready to tell everything that boiled in three years.

Clusted paints

At first glance, we have a clone Borderlands. Cooperative gameplay, a picture stylized as a comic book, classes, pumping – we have already seen this a year ago. Only in Firefall only more, and the degree of madness is twisted to the maximum. If a reactive satchel, then you will fly unrestrained on it, almost without touching the earth. If monsters, then incredible sizes. Well, if the planet is alive and completely open for research.

Firefall takes place on Earth of the 2233 year sample. In search of energy sources that should make up for the lack of resources, scientists have discovered a new element, Christitis, and immediately rushed to score all energy gaps for them. As a result, due to the too zealous use of the mineral, an abnormal storm called the erosion began on the planet.

The terrible hurricane completely changed the landscape of the Earth, erased the former boundaries of the continents. The situation was aggravated by the attack of an alien race of the elect, who firmly decided to eradicate the remnants of humanity. We have to stop warlike aliens and prevent an environmental disaster.

“In addition to the main campaign, we also added many dynamic missions to the game that will allow you to plunge into the fictional world even deeper. This is a deep, mysterious and constantly evolving universe. We deliberately talk little about the plot: I want to make us the users take part in Firefall’s life independently, make discoveries, influence the development of the earth with their actions, ”says the executive producer of the project James Makuli.

The developers are sure that they will be able to make a multi -user shooter, in which history will become not just a background, but a key motivation for researching the world. Locations here are simply huge, in each life is in full swing. While you are flying on a transport shuttle to the next assignment, herds of strange animals are walking on the ground, sniper duels unfold between the players, someone fights with monsters, gladers rush across the sky at frantic speeds. The details of the modern single action movie are combined here with the scale World of Warcraft.

Charlie and Chocolate Factory. Catch on iPod

Red 5 Studious studio boasts a really impressive composition. The company was founded in 2005 by the joint efforts of Mark Kern and Scott Yangblad. The first for many years has devoted World of Warcraft , And the second was the main designer Tribes And Tribes 2. In 2007, the organizers launched a large -scale set of personnel, trying to lure talented specialists into their offices.

Revealing their plans, turning directly to agencies to search for staff, the authors did not want. Then they could not show future applicants nothing but a pack of illustrations. In fact, experts had to be seduced by a dream, their own vision of the project, and here the standard methods of lifting professionals turned out to be ineffective. Therefore, managers came up with a unique approach, inspired by the classical history of Charlie and Chocolate Factory. As in the famous fairy tale about an eccentric confectioner, they sent the appropriate candidates “gold tickets”-parcels with special iPod players, stuffed pictures from Firefall, and a password that gives access to personal web pages on the site, which explained in detail why the owners of the cherished tickets are best suited for this work.

The developers took about 50 thousand dollars for these tricks, but, according to managers, the undertaking fully justified itself. Some employees of Red 5 Studious still admit that they feel as if they had won the lottery by falling into this company.

By the end of the decade of business, the company did not go the best. In the spring of 2009, the Shanghai division of the company was closed, and already at the beginning of 2010, about 30 specialists were fired from the main office, who had previously been attracted so joyfully. If it were not for the purchase of most of the studio assets by the Chinese giant The9, Firefall could never go out.

Iron men

“Want the essence of Firefall in one sentence? Please: Firefall is a team shooter that combines a full -fledged story campaign with a mass multipleor and a deep character development system. Our game connects open Sandbox-worlds and global staging events, ”James Makuli described his project.

Basic mechanics borrowed from Borderlands. You shoot monsters in a team of five people, get experience, pump. Movement by level – Heritage Tribes. By default, all the heroes are equipped with jet satchels or anti -gravity boots, so just walking or running to Firefall is ineffective. The heroes spend most of the time in the air, with gigantic jumps overcoming huge sections of sushi. Having a hiding into heaven, having made a spectacular somersault in the air, fighters can fall to the ground by a meteorite, with such a spectacular technique smearing small enemies into a cake.

Firefall is very dynamic. For movement, it is convenient to use a third -person view, but it is worth starting a mess, as the game immediately switches in appearance from the first, and then completely in the aiming mode.

The class of the hero is determined by his costume (in the game they are called Battleframes). In fact, this is a typical RPG-bronia: they have slots for installing new equipment; The more powerful the spacesuit, the more slaughter gadgets it can be hung. Here's how James describes the local clothing: “At the moment we have announced four types of costumes. The military makes the gameplay rather arcade, and the “medic” is focused on stealth; In it, you also treat all friendly fighters in the radius of action. Sniper types of armor will allow aimed fire, with a gap of one pixel, and pumped exoskeletons of machine gunners, on the contrary, will give the opportunity to shoot without aim ”.

Oil jackets

Further, the local economy comes into business. Costumes can be bought or pumped … in exchange for Christitis! The hostile mineral, which almost destroyed our planet, is still in demand.

The key moment of game mechanics is furnished with the proper pathos – the Christite production scene looks very impressive. A drill drone falls directly from the orbit and is in the ground with a nail into the ground. His hammer begins to hammer the breed, and pumps – to download the mineral. Monsters immediately run to the knock of a hammer. The task of the player or his team is to beat off the waves of attacking creatures, preventing them from destroying the drone. When the tanks of the drill installation are filled to the edges, the final assault occurs: the strongest monsters resort in the largest quantities. Here you need to hastily unhook the “leech” and fly to the base in the shuttle, sell a mineral, buy weapons.

It is important to note that the heroes are engaged in the collection of Christy in detachments (5 people each). But for wars with aliens, units can flock in the army. Only in large military groups, you get access to the most pumped equipment; Only in the armies does it open to heavy equipment (presumably, tanks and aircraft).

The legacy of the dead dragon. Brief history of one revolution

Offset Engine, which is the basis of Firefall, deserves a separate story. This project was launched almost six years ago by a small team of developers Offset Software (initially there were only three people). Natives of the S2 Games, famous for the Savage series, began to build an amazing graphic platform with their own money, which, according to them, exceeded all other technological solutions on the market. At that time, the picture issued by Offset Engine really attracted the attention of the highest detail, neat models of characters and affectionate daily lighting.

To promote technology, the authors decided to take up the creation of their own game – a fantasy shooter in the spirit of Dark Messiah of Might and Magis called Project Offset. In addition to gorgeous design, we were promised several classes of characters, a cooperative campaign, a dynamic gameplay and flights on dragons. After a couple of slurred trailers resembling demos for the next video card, and a handful of screenshots, the developers went into information misery. In 2008, it became known that Offset Engine interested Intel and she allegedly agreed to finance the undertakings of developers.

However, the patience of the processor giant was enough for a short time. In mid-2010, after the next delay, the Project OffSet successfully closed. Offse Software employees moved to the new FRACTIV LLC studio and must be preparing there another breakthrough. But their business lives! Firefall will finally give a chance to look at the fruits of the creativity of a prematurely dead company.

Manga

All this role -playing paraphernalia is actually turned into an enchanting of sparks, explosions and splashes of colors. Because Firefall is still action.

Here are players fly in a shuttle to the base – with holds full. You yourself lead the shuttle, admiring the environs. Heroes arrived at the place, trade ensued, when suddenly – the attack of aliens. Right at the base! And now the tentacles of giant monsters put pressure on the signs of stores, and around them your partners in armor jump around them with grasshoppers, pouring a huge affair with fire. It is noteworthy that there could have been a daring attack on the base – this is just one of those staged episodes that Makuli mentioned above. The next day you can return with Christite’s cargo to the market, and everything will be calm there.

A separate conversation deserves the graph. Firstly, the engine. This is permanent Offset Engine – In theory, the game of the same name was supposed to be attached to this motor, but it never came out, but the engine continued to exist even after the ruined development of the whole project (more about the misadventures of offSet Engine, read in the insert). Secondly, Firefall has an instantly recognizable style.

“We have been looking for our own, unique style for a long time. Our employees adore manga and anime, which directly affect the features of the design of the world and costumes. Instead of photorealistic design, artists came up with special manga-screenwriters, with the help of which it was possible to create an unusual graphics. Recently, there has been a tendency to make dark and faded games, but we wanted to create a brighter game, ”says Makuli.

Before us is not just CEL-SHADING, but a special type of rendering, thanks to which crazy exoskeletons look great in both futuristic catacombs and in the middle of the green jungle. Each detail of the costume is animated … As a result, Firefall, if you can confuse, is that except with the ApplesEed full -length cartoon in the same style. Only here you yourself control the furs, and do not admire them from the side.

* * *

Well, now the most interesting. Firefall is free. The players have never laid out such seductive gifts before: scale World of Warcraft , Patetics Halo , thoughtful story campaign, juicy anime design and graphics at the AAA-Shuther level. And everything is for nothing. When the fascinated player unfolds all gift packages, his hands, of course, fall into the poisonous trap of microtransactions. Online conventionally paying, today you will not surprise anyone-even if they are with amazing graphics and high-quality gameplay. But the free dispersed, crazy variation on the topic of Borderlands, striving to be born with a living original Borderlands, is at least unusual.

We will wait? Free online shooter with reactive gameplay and a level of CG-film level.

Percentage of readiness: 70%

Allowing young children to decide whether to go for a walk or not, to go to bed or watch cartoons, some parents believe that they are raising independence in them. In reality, life without borders and guidelines makes the child very vulnerable. How to learn to tell him “no”? Says a clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst Irina Sizikova.

Sasha is a little boy, he will soon be 4 years old. He is used to contradicting his mother, but she does not know how to behave with him. Once, when Sasha had a temperature, his mother tried to give him a medicine, but the boy did not want. Mom persuaded her son in different ways: she offered gifts, cartoons, tried to cheer him up. Nothing helped, Sasha refused flatly. It would seem – not scary – except that the child had not drank the medicine, and the mother could not show him that she was an adult and it is she who decides what is good and what is needed for him now. The child took the place of an adult – and as a result he endured his health and, possibly, life.

I often hear from my parents how difficult it is for them to make the child go to bed in time, sit at the table or send to wash. These parents seemed to be captured by their children. Unfortunately, as a result of such a “seizure of power”, a child has psychological disorders or problems with behavior.

For example, some children behave impulsively, angry, scream. Run, make noise, impose on others their desires. It happens that the baby decides to go for a walk or not. If parents try to insist, he is furious, rolls up a hysteria – and to avoid this, the family stays at home. Others cry – constantly and for any reason. It seems to an outsider that they are too vulnerable, sensitive. In fact, such children use crying to insist on their.

Follow the boundaries of the permitted

If you look closely, we will see that the reasons by and large are in the behavior of parents. Some show care of the child and want to do “how better”. Others drive the fear of violating the personal boundaries of the son or daughter. And some are afraid that if they force the child and refuse him something, he will decide-mom and dad do not like him.

In any case, they try to avoid tears and suffering of the child. And they do everything to make him rejoice and be happy. But the lack of rules negatively affects children, despite all efforts. Children who do not know prohibitions are psychologically very vulnerable. They can hardly tolerate frustration, do not feel safe and easily become dependent on anyone who can become protection and support for them.

Establishing the rules is an important parental task, and adults need to take responsibility, including for their mistakes. Limiting a child means first of all:

• refuse him in some requests;
• forbid to go to certain places;
• be able to punish the child for violation of the rules;
• insist on fulfilling certain requirements: do homework, brush your teeth, take medicines, greet and so on.

Why do we need prohibitions?

1. The rules help the child understand the difference between permitted and prohibited. He cannot decide for himself what is good and what is bad. And we, parents, have the opportunity to show what can and what can not be done.

2. Rules and prohibitions introduce a child to the laws of the world and help to develop habits, strategies to interact with him. The child feels safe, he is sure that he is able to manage what surrounds him. But it is necessary that the rules be clear and understandable. https://creatorsassembly.com.au/parimatch-apostas-esportivas-login-brasil-a-plataforma-lider-para-apostas-esportivas-no-brasil/ It is important that the parents are consistent in applying the rules, do not say yes today, and tomorrow – “no” for the same reason.

3. Restrictions are a meeting with reality, where not all desires are fulfilled and not everything is allowed. A child who is deprived of the skill to wait, tolerate frustration, put off pleasure, becomes a moody, unrestrained, hot -tempered.

4. The parental “no” allows the child not to grow up too fast. Refusing, we take responsibility for him, show that he should not make adult decisions and may rely on us. The child learns to trust parents and just be small.

5. Saying no, we teach children to respect another people and someone else’s opinion.

6. Following a clear rules changes for the better everyday life of the family, simplifies decision -making on a variety of household issues.

Within reasonable limits

To say no time all the time or not to answer at all badly. Look for the “golden mean”. Rules are a compromise between “yes” and “no”, but the most important thing is simple, understandable and reasonable attitudes, within the framework of which the child can act without fear that they will suddenly change. I knew the parent who punished his son for the fact that he was gnawing his nails, although he himself never cut them. Such punishment is unfair and unacceptable. When the child is aware of this injustice, he will cease to respect not only this rule, but also others established by his parents.

How to learn to say no “?

If the child is already used to living without prohibitions, it is impossible to quickly change the situation. I would suggest binding changes to some significant, turning point. For example, by the beginning of the school year at school or in kindergarten, to the birthday. By the time the child moves to a large bed or to a separate room. These are important stages that show that he has grown and can be proud of it. Such changes are an occasion to explain that it is growing and that now the rules are changing. For example, he can no longer go to bed at 22 hours, but will go to bed at 20:45 so that it is easy to get up in the morning.

By announcing the introduction of new rules, find a way to emphasize the advantages of his age – for example, buy him a watch or your own alarm clock and teach him how to read numbers. The child will be proud that he has his own alarm, like an adult, and that he can understand the numbers. In a word, your task is to introduce new rules so that they have an element of the game and pleasure.

You can also install a board with a sheet on which to write or draw new rules. Fill out the sheet with the child: Having become a co -author of the project, he will submit to new requirements more eently. You may have to withstand the child’s resistance to innovations, his tantrums, crying. Whatever it may, but the rules must be followed. Over time, the child will accept them and his behavior will change.

Do not forget to show that you are proud of the child, every time he fulfills new requirements. It is important that he invariably feels your love. Even when you punish him, the child should be sure that he still loves: he is not bad for us, but his act. Be prepared to return from time to time to discuss the rules with the child and review them.

In difficult cases, I recommend that you seek help from a specialist who will help to understand the situation, determine the change strategy and support you in the moments of crises that will inevitably arise in the process of this difficult but necessary work.

“As soon as it falls asleep, you go to bed immediately,” Mom advises. “Spit on household chores, do only a child,” an experienced sister recommends. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself,” a friend reminds. But when the house is baby, and there is no experience yet, it can be difficult to keep up with everything. It’s good when the child is calm and sweet at night. And if not?

Some young mothers complain: “I don’t have time to clean my teeth”, “to go to the shower is a whole thing, I don’t get away from the child”, “I don’t remember when I had breakfast calmly – even if he sleeps, I try to combine both food, cooking, and stillReply to the message “.

Each mother eventually finds her own way. In cognitive-behavioral therapy there is an element known as behavioral activation. This is a flexible, based on actual data, an approach to solving the problems of each new phase of life.

Mostly this approach includes behavior that raises the mood. Clinical psychologist Lindsay Brauer offers three ways to use behavioral activation in the postpartum period.

1. Sleep and care for yourself: Balance search. If a dream prevents you to take care of yourself – for example, taking a shower and there is – it means that you need to change the ratio a little. It makes sense to make a list of “minimum” daily care. It will include the necessary one that helps maintain behavioral activation and reduces the risks of depression. For some, this is a daily shower and the opportunity to calmly and fully have breakfast.

For others – the ability to “draw eyebrows” or lay your hair. And for some-at least brushing the teeth as a nightly ritual. These cases take some time and can vary depending on the behavior, features and phases of the child’s development. It is important to show flexibility here, but do not forget to adhere to at least a minimum from a list of a list.

Experts recommend using the newborn schedule in mom’s interests. Perhaps one daytime dream of a child will be a period of relaxation for her, when you can simply “punch” on the TV with the baby in her arms. And the other – with a productive time to care about yourself.

2. Classes for yourself. Which of the parents heard advice: “Do not forget to do something for yourself”? Everything, of course, depends on what is possible in current circumstances. The easiest way to achieve this goal is to combine pleasant with useful. For example, if you have to wash the dishes, then to your favorite music. And when the child does not want to sleep and you have to carry it in his arms – turn on a pleasant series.

Cares to take care of themselves are also helped by classes that increase the sense of control. For example, lay out clothes on the shelves, wash the bottles or call a girlfriend. No matter how strange it may sound, simple tasks that help quickly get the result can help young parents to regain their strength and energy.

The reason is that the current basic activity does not give them such a sense of https://cpnda.com/wp/fotos/ achieving the goal, because raising a child is a long process, and the result can be seen not at all soon.

3. Caution with obligations. “I have to call a second cousin”, “I must do dinner”, “I must wash the sink” … According to psychologists, obligation, this is a dangerous path from useful behavioral activation to the risks of the development of depression. Sometimes these “I must” seem to be fulfilled, but far from always, taking into account the fact that the resources of the young mother are limited, and there are a lot of worries. How to be?

Focus on daily achievements, no matter how small they may seem. And remember that before, when a woman could have time much more, she was in a different situation and other circumstances. Perhaps today the child was sleeping poorly, and my mother could not get enough sleep. Or he has colic, anxiety – but you never know what else. Then the resources of the woman are naturally limited.

Therefore, if, in addition to taking care of the child, the mother is able to fulfill at least the indicated minimum for herself – it is already good. Perhaps tomorrow it will be easier and you can do something else. The main thing is to focus on your achievements, and not on what has not been done.

In fact, it all comes down to the search for balance. Sleep, take care of yourself, do something on the household when there is an opportunity. Ultimately, every mother finds her own options, and life becomes much more ordered.

Six months ago I had a miscarriage. All this time inside me seems to howl from grief a monster. From the outside it seems that everything is fine: I graduated from the institute with a red diploma, married my beloved, he supports me very much. But in fact, I feel like a failure. I can’t recover from atopic dermatitis, it seems that he will soon bring me to suicide. I want to find a good job, but they don’t get me where I want. I want a child, I want to be happy. I don’t know how to do it. I have a feeling that I had cut wings.

Ekaterina, 22 years old

I sympathize with your grief very much. It’s not easy to survive. You write that in your life it is as if there is a split: outside you are successful and seems to be happy, but behind this facade a suffering person is hidden. Unfortunately, while this split is preserved, it will be difficult for you to change your life. You need support for loved ones who see you real, and not a mask behind which you are hiding.

Six months – a long term, but it seems that you have not yet survived what happened and forbid yourself to express your real emotions. Many skin diseases, including dermatitis, have a large psychological component: when we do not let emotions go out in the usual form, locking them in themselves, they strive to express themselves in a physical, somatic form to remind themselves of themselves. It is important to understand that your physical and mental states are connected. When you begin to feel better “sincerely”, your physical condition may also begin to improve.

It seems to me that you should turn to a psychologist so that someone helps you learn to express your feelings, has passed with you the path of grief and farewell to an unborn child, so that someone helps you on this path, as a result of which you could stoppretend to be happy and try

to really become.

For more than a month, two paintings constantly had before my eyes: the window in the ultrasound and the ceiling in the operating room. In the first – they announce to me: a frozen pregnancy, the fetus does not develop (“Well

Such

, this is for your sins!” – peppy replica from the uzist). In the second-my restrained sob, “well, do not,” and immediately after the ceiling sailed somewhere. The next “after” came for me already in the ward, where I lay with a heating pad with ice on my stomach and bloodied legs.

I also remember the doctor’s office where I came a month and a half later. I sat back on the back of a hard chair and, resting my head against a cool wall, listened to the results of the study absentmindedly. It was a girl. With a genetic pathology, which is not inherited, but arises absolutely by accident – “just a failure”. My husband and I are healthy. It’s nobody’s fault. And the last: if in the very near future I will not find a way to overcome my indecently protracted depressive state on my own, I will be sent to correct mental health to the appropriate medical institution. It was said in all seriousness. I shrugged indifferently: that the will, that the bondage. Doesn’t matter.

Honestly, all this time, waking up in the morning, I thought that I had already died. Only the questions that were non -stop in my head forced to doubt it were forced to doubt. For what? Why? And why exactly with us? For what? It’s my fault? The point is in me? What exactly I did in life wrong? Both the husband and the whole family probably think that it is because of me, yes? I brought them all … because I failed? If it is for me for sins, then is it possible to pay for them somehow differently, and the daughter is to return? But what if the next time there will be the same? But what if there is no next time at all? If I never press my baby to my chest and I will not kiss a gentle heel? I am a terrible mother if I could not protect my daughter from an unpredictable and terrible failure? She will never forgive me? How can I love my other child, knowing how to blame for his uninhabited sister. They covered me even before I managed to open my eyes, and did not let go until I fell into a dream.

Although there was practically no sleep then: for weeks I slept literally for 2-3 hours. Moreover: I shuddered from any loud sound, sobbed at the sight of children’s strollers and pregnant women, began to suffer from aerophobia, and sometimes panicked during a regular trip by car. I had the feeling that my skin was ripped off and any touch with the outside world causes unbearable pain. Bright green grass with multi-colored leaves that I promised to show our child-pain. Our furry dog, which she will not stroke, is pain. Funny sugar down on the table that he will not see, a cottage that will not visit, large rain drops, juicy Chinese pears, air snakes, sled, trolleybuses – all pain – all pain.

I got rid of everything that at least somehow reminded of the child: a photo album, slider, calendar, books, gifts of parents in honor of joyful news about the upcoming replenishment, towel, dress and socks, in which I was on that unfortunate ultrasound … I threw everything outthings. But I could not throw out the most terrible: thoughts from my head.

And I would like to say that one morning I just woke up “healed” and began to live as before: cheerfully, optimistic, joyful. But this is not so. One morning I woke up and – which almost never happened before – I had a fight with my husband. He wanted me to believe in the best. And I did not want to: “What, they gave you a receipt after the operation that everything will be fine?!”” And what, they gave you a receipt that everything will be bad?”After that, I thought for a long time. Most of all-about whether I will ever be ready to try my maternal happiness again. Honestly admitted that yes. Someday-be sure.

And after this recognition, the thought flashed timidly that it would be necessary to prepare for this now. That that daughter, no matter how we suffer, can no longer be returned. But it is very possible to harm the next child with his shaken psyche. It’s time for my inner Munahusen to pull himself out of the swamp. The salvation plan has ripened quite quickly: it is only necessary to do what is enjoying. There is a popular saying that life begins where the comfort zone ends. In my case, life was warm only where I felt safe and could do what I wanted.

The first victim felling: warmly beloved, rather specific, terribly nervous. Periodically I touched to leave, but each time I stayed because I could not imagine my life without it. And here I could very much. Because after the loss of the child, it became obvious to me: I am not a careerist and I do not want either recognition, nor all the money of the world, nor my photo on the Forbes cover. I am an ordinary girl who wants ordinary girlfriend: a house – a full bowl and a bunch of peanuts from her beloved husband. And the work that puts it all in jeopardy is not for me.

The main phase of salvation began after dismissal. A lot of free time appeared, and it had to be carried out according to the plan. That is, with pleasure. Bake the pies with cabbage on the whole porch? Forward. I wanted to go to the zoo? Go. The weekend watch the TV shows with my husband? Easily. You don’t want to take on the freelance work that you are offered (let even for good money)? Do not take it. Lose on the synthesizer all day? To health. Dragged into an unpleasant or just boring conversation? Break. Pulls in sleep right after dinner? Go to sleep. Transfer to tomorrow what is too lazy to do today? No problem. Try to braid a beautiful pigtail and apply makeup, although you are not going anywhere? Please. Sit on my husband’s knees all evening? Easy to.

Under any other circumstances, I, always so organized and mandatory, would not allow myself such behavior, would consider it at least indecent. But it is not for nothing that they say that in war all means are good. At any cost I needed to make depression capital. It became clear that she retreated when I suddenly again began to distinctly distinguish between the taste of food, color and smells, notice the change of weather outside the window and the mood of others.

By the way, about others. I practically did not mention relatives and friends. All because at the most difficult time I completely went into my senses and tried to avoid any communication: I did not answer calls and messages, especially since I did not get in touch myself. Rare communications with those who nevertheless “erupted on the air” and clumsily tried to support, caused me at best. “You wrap yourself”, “You are not the only one”, “Take yourself together”, “Yes, this is not a child – so, a fruit egg, a larva” … Then it seemed to me that my loved ones were simply mocking me,And I was angry with them. Now I understand how difficult it is to select a word in such a situation that they tried as they could. And grateful to them.

Especially to her husband. I know so well and remember how bad it was for me. And I’m afraid to even imagine how bad it was for him. The more I think about it, the better I understand that in a certain sense it was much worse. From the very beginning, he kept everything in himself and, unlike me, did not complain to mothers, dads and everyone else about universal injustice, nor at the personal end of the world, or his wife obsessed with grief. For more than a month he suffered my round -the -clock sobs and tantrums, held me by the handles and on the handles. He spent all his free time with me, took a vacation, took it to the warm lands. He supported all my crazy ventures (night walks, morning hiking in the cinema, weekends far from the city …). And carefully reminded that if I did not change my mind and still want kids who would look like him like two drops of water, then you can’t give up in any way. So we don’t give up.

The window in the Uzi and ceiling in the operating room surpasses the window less often in memory. It must be released a place for another picture: for the walls of the maternity ward, in which one day I will put our baby on my stomach, living and healthy.